


Of Cupidity and Calamity

by Vivagrazia



Series: Holiday Works [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: (and smelling), Awkward Kissing, F/M, Humor, In Character Crack, Lots of kissing, Multi, Sex Pollen, Sexual Humor, Surprise Kissing, Valentine's Day, but kinda not really, some romance I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 07:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vivagrazia/pseuds/Vivagrazia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because of course the team would get infected with an alien lust potion right before Valentine's Day. Just not all of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Cupidity and Calamity

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, Happy Valentine's Day!
> 
> This is supposed to be like, "haha-situation sex pollen" and not using sex pollen to get characters together, so there's no graphic sex or anything. Or any sex that's under the influence. I'm basically saying if you're looking for sex pollen smut this isn't it, but random kissing and perhaps comical awkwardness? Hey ho, here we go!

" _Oh_ ," says Bobbi, slight exhaustion to her tone as she rolls to the side. She sighs. "Nice work, Agent Hunter. Just what a girl needs after a mission."

"You aren't too bad yourself, love. But you knew that."

"Always nice to hear." She pauses, moves her tongue around a bit in her mouth. "Agent Hunter… still getting used to that."

"You like it? I was sort of thinking I prefer the sound of  _lieutenant_ better…"

"We'll see," she says, shrugging as though she doesn't care either way."You handled yourself pretty well out there today."

"Right… Can't exactly say that was a  _difficult_  op though," he says thoughtfully.

"Yeah?"

"We took an old woman's merchandise from her shop," Hunter reminds her. "With absolutely zero obstacles. Just took it."

"Hey, everyone who bought that stuff wound up missing.  _Something's_ obviously going on there."

"Yeah well, we did our part." He shifts deeper into the pillows, hands relaxed behind his head. "It's the science crew's problem now."

She smirks. "Are we doing pillowtalk?" she asks curiously, prompting Hunter to sit up.

"Well… we've got the pillows now. Seems appropriate."

"I kind of liked the car."

"Yeah, that constant threat of being seen was nice."

"Exactly," she says, not a hint of sarcasm present as he had. "Thrilling."

She rolls out of his bed to begin tugging on her pants. Hunter watches, and it's a nice view, but he personally likes it when that garment is going in the opposite direction.

Once her shirt's on, she turns to him. "I'd kind of prefer to keep this simple. Mind if we keep the still-in-bed conversation to a minimum?"

He shrugs. "Anything you want. Can't say I dislike the situation as is."

She smiles. "Good." And once the door to his bedroom is closed behind her, Hunter can't help but scoff to himself.

 _Keep things simple_ ,  _she says._

Because banging your ex-wife-now-co-worker without letting your  _other_ co-workers find out when you're living in the same place is, of course, the definition of simple.

Well. At least he knows she won't be expecting a V-Day gift.

* * *

Simmons is thinking, as she does often. But she's thinking absentmindedly - a strange way to be thinking if you really thought about the thinking, as it's being done absently of a mind. Still, she's thinking, and even though she's immersed in work, that's not what she's thinking about.

Skye smells like dirt.

Oh, it's a good thing! Not like  _dirty_ dirt, but the girl surely has some earthy musk about her.

And when Jemma realizes Skye smells like dirt, it makes her think of how Coulson has a sort of… old book scent. That kind you just have to rub your nose into; that comforting smell when you're glancing into an old friend. Which is a book. Does no one else do this? Jemma certainly does this.

Hunter pops into her head next. He smells like metal, she thinks. Iron, possibly.

And May of course reminds her of incense, but she's always associated May with Tai Chi and Yoga and just general calm, so this makes sense.

Bobbi… strawberries, perhaps?

But she can't remember Fitz. It's silly, because they've been getting along so well since San Juan, the horrific tragedy of Triplett along with being able to work in the field alongside one another somehow bringing them closer together.

So why can't she remember?

She needs to know. It's urgent, like a burning desire, a  _need_  to find out the scent that for some reason is not in her mind.

So she abandons her research of an unknown substance Coulson and the rest of them had brought back for her earlier today. They'd recovered it from a shop that had actually been selling it. It's February, and there are some desperate lovers out there for that date of the fourteenth.

People were, in fact, disappearing after visiting a small shop in New York's Chinatown. They were buying one item in particular, a serum labeled as a love potion and branded as  _Cupidity,_ which smells rather good itself. S.H.I.E.L.D. was attracted to the case when alien origins were suspected, so Simmons is analyzing it.

 _Was_  analyzing, because she has set aside her lab coat and goggles in preference of making her way to what is now the garage.

Fitz is there. He's playing with something in his bad hand, though she doesn't know what it is. She stops in the doorway.

"Oh, hey, Simmons," he says with a slight surprise, twiddling the Rubik's Cube in his hand, as she realizes that's the object. "I was just, uh, working on my… my…"

"Dexterity," she finishes for him. She tries not to do that so much anymore. Tries not to finish when he pauses to give him a chance to work it out, but she's unfocused. And it's just like the old days, when she always knew which word he meant anyhow. He nods.

"Yeah," he says. "What are you doing up here? I thought you were supposed to be, um, wo-working… in the lab-"

He's cut off, and she supposes by herself. Because she's grabbing him. She has his arms then, as she inhales all around him.

"What… what are you doing?" He sounds slightly alarmed. She doesn't know why, as she just wants to know what he smells like. And now she does.

Cars.

Somehow, Fitz smells like cars.

He's not a mechanic, despite spending all his time with one now.

Whoa. That thought makes a click in her mind…  _click_. Maybe that's why he smells like cars!

Then that thought makes her very, very angry.

"Fitz," she nearly sobs, but it's probably too whiny to be considered a sad sound, "why do you smell like that?"

"S-smell?" he stammers.

She nods, frowning. Pouting. Why is she pouting? The smell is actually-

"So good…" she murmurs, inhaling around him again. "I'm sorry, you just smell so nice."

"Oh," he says and stares. "Erm. Thank you, Jemma. I thought you were, um, un… unhappy, at first."

"I think I was," she says in realization. "But that's alright. All good now."

Then she kisses him, because that just seems to be the thing to do. He smells so nice and has fluffy, curly hair that feels good under her fingers; she needed to know the taste!

"Eh, um, J-Jem-"

Poor dear. Can't get the words out.

"You taste good too," she compliments, hoping he already knows.

Fitz looks shocked.

How upsetting! He must not have known he tastes good.

"Have either of you seen Mack?"

FitzSimmons turn; Hunter is at the door to the lab - wait no,  _garage._

"No he's out," Fitz says, and it's faster than he usually says anything lately and comes out in somewhat of a croak. "Can um, do you need some help, or… something?"

Fitz sounds pretty distracted, but she's distracted too. Hunter's really rather pretty, isn't he? And he's English, so points for voice.

She's kind of captivated, and finds herself walking up to him.

"You smell good," she tells him. She's right in his personal bubble, taking in a whiff. She was right! He does smell like iron.

"Uh, thank you, Agent Simmons…" he mumbles uncertainly. Gives her a funny smile.

Now she wonders what he tastes like.

* * *

Skye hates this.

And by  _this,_  she just means every freaking day.

Everything is hard. Working is hard. Training is hard. Going to the kitchen to get something to eat is hard. Because she thinks of Trip everywhere and she can't help it.

Then people yell at her, because she broke a plate or something with her rumbling and quaking.

So when she's not working or training or eating, she sulks in her room and tries to think of how to get over it and do things right. And she's right in her prime time sulking moment - around that time she rolls over on the bed and let's out a heavy sigh - when there's a knock at her door.

"Come in," she calls. She's mopey, not rude.

The door opens, and in the threshold is a somewhat disheveled Hunter. He's panting, and looks a little stunned.

"Is something wrong?" she asks, getting up to a sitting position on her cot.

"Well..." he croaks. "There could be. Maybe. I mean yes I do think there's something wrong- but it's not like urgent! Probably."

"Ok, way to be specific. And you came to me because…?"

"Fitz and Simmons are  _really_ weird!" he exclaims.

"Hey, don't insult them. I mean they're sort of dweebs, but they're my dweebs…"

"No, no. Like, something is honest to god  _off_ with them," he says, and that gets Skye's attention. "I mean, this is so strange but… Fitz- oh Jesus… Fitz kissed me!"

And that has Skye's mouth popping open. Not only was the comment unexpected, but she really didn't know her friend swung that way.

"Well, I… that's random."

"Random? It's bloody demented!"

"Look, Hunter. You're always saying how all the girls like you. Doesn't it make sense that there would be a few boys too?"

She almost says it in a joking tone, for the sake of teasing Hunter. Almost, but this is about Fitz  _liking_  Hunter and she just can't seem to do it.

"This isn't about some  _crush_ , if that's what you're thinking! This was way stranger."

"Stranger?"

"More strange! So I walk myself in there, and the two are already having a moment or something. Which is fine, that's their business and all. But then Simmons comes over and starts smelling me-"

Hold up. " _Smelling_  you? Simmons?"

"Yes! And for a moment I thought she was about to try snogging me too but then Fitz came over out of nowhere with a weird sort of dazed look and he… well, he took over."

Skye doesn't really know what to say. She just sort of stares at Hunter's rather desperate face. Until she decides what to do, that is.

"I'll talk to them."

* * *

"Hey guys?" Skye calls to them in the garage. "Fitzsimmons? Simmons and Fitz?"

She decides they've left, and turns around to check elsewhere.

"Skye!"

They seem to have materialized out of nowhere, and if she hadn't had training, she would have jumped.

"Hey," she says, plastering a smile on herself as she realizes how awkward this talk will be. The smiles on their faces are both pretty big, she notes, as they look downright pleased as punch to see her.

Skye hears them breathe in.

"See, I told you she smells like dirt," says Simmons. Fitz nods.

Did she hear that right?

"Yeah, like a… Silty soil?"

"Or Peaty!"

"Hey!" Skye protests. "I do not smell like dirt!"

"Oh Skye, yes you do." Simmons chuckles. "But that's ok, it's absolutely wonderful!"

"Really is," Fitz says, and now his hands are in her hair, letting pieces fall though his fingers. Ok, creep factor has gone up about times ten. Like, on a rating scale of sane to her dad, she'd say this is a level Ward.

She knocks Fitz away.

"Okaaay, are the science twins playing pranks again? Cause you two really need to work on your material."

"What would the prank be?" asks Simmons, looking completely lost for an answer and curious to know.

Skye crosses her arms. "You're telling me I smell like dirt, Simmons."

"Well you do!" she insists.

"Or a, um, just like the ground. Like soil!" says Fitz.

"Yes, fertilizer!"

Skye blinks. "Like… the stuff made from manure?"

Simmons yelps, "Yes!"

But Fitz - "No, not at all."

Their eyes snap to each other with the opposing statements. It's the first time they've stopped looking at Skye at all.

"Well, the scent does have the, that… feeling, yeah?" Fitz says.

Simmons smells. "Oh yes, maybe you're right…"

Skye scoffs. "Of cow poop?" she exclaims.

She's offended now. She shouldn't be, because this is like some prank or something. It is. What else could it be?

"Skye… Skye," Simmons giggles, getting right up in Skye's face. She knows the girl pretty well but honestly, she's a little uncomfortable. And the way the scientists are talking… it's almost like they're drunk. With an obsessive need to document scents. "You need to relax."

"Yeah," adds Fitz. "There's no need to be so…"

"Tense!"

"Right."

Oh Skye feels tense. Skye feels tense and awkward, all right. Mainly because they've started rubbing her arms. And it could be a friendly gesture, trying to get her to warm up to the situation. (The situation that is totally not a normal situation and she  _should_  feel tense about). But she suspects it's more than just  _friendly_  feelings fueling the movement.

Fitz starts to rub her shoulders and she can't help it, she jumps away with a squeak.

But the jump made a tremor.

And the whole plane rumbles from her power.

 _Oh no, oh no, not again!_  she thinks. She doesn't want to lose control. She has this. She's got this. It would be really bad for this to happen on the BUS…

Just when she's reaching a peak level of panic, someone pulls her around and plants their lips on her.

The trembles subside, then.

And Skye doesn't really feel panic, awkwardness, or any unpleasant feelings at all.

* * *

"It was weird, Bob, I'm telling ya."

"Oh, I have some competition then?"

"Stop treating this like a joke!" says Hunter. "It's not funny!" He pauses. "Wait, competition? Are we doing this monogamously?"

She rolls her eyes. "Well, if you feel violated by this Fitz thing, then maybe I should be the one asking you."

"I do not feel violated!" he insists. Well, he may feel violated. But no need for Bobbi to know that.

"Visual cues you just gave off? About as good as a confession."

"Oh, don't  _analyze_  me Bobbi. You should have seen them!"

"I kind of do want to see them," she admits. "So what made you go to Skye?"

He shrugs. "I dunno, because she's a close friend of theirs. I thought she could talk to them. Maybe get them to realize their actions were strange."

"Because you feel violated."

"Bobbi!"

She smiles. "Hunter, you can't go calling in the cavalry every time someone gets a crush on you."

He just stares at that.

Bobbi does not get it and she really should, because the whole "it's just a crush thing" is not on par with what happened, and quite frankly it's a tad annoying.

He grabs her hand.

"C'mon."

"Where are we going?" She sounds a little annoyed, but a couple small laughs proves she's at least amused.

"The garage. Let's just check up on Skye's progress with them."

He's already dropped Bobbi's hand by the time they reach the mechanic's lair, but what they see makes them drop open their mouths. In disbelief, or perhaps confusion.

Bobbi wipes her eyes a bit. "Are you… rubbing Skye's feet?" she asks uncertainly.

"No,  _silly_ ," says Simmons, kneeling next to Skye on the ground. "Fitz is!"

"Yeah… well, that's actually who I was talking to," she mumbles.

Fitz smiles brightly at her. "Simmons is giving a massage to Skye's head," he states.

"We  _can_  see that, seeing as we have eyes," says Hunter. "Unlike the three of you, apparently."

But then the two see those eyes, as they all snap in the direction of Bobbi and Hunter. Skye has to open hers, and it's like she's being dragged out of heaven, judging by the blissful smile on her face. But they're all grinning.

"Skye's really stressed is all," says Simmons. Then her face lights up with something like glee.

"Yeah, I'm stressed," Skye agrees, just before her smile turns into a frown. "Hey, Simmons!"

Skye shouts this, because Simmons has left her post to come right up to Bobbi. And… stares at her. With a wide toothy smile that could definitely be classified as creepy.

"Hey there, girlfriend," Bobbi says uncertainly.

Simmons inhales Bob's hair deeply, and Hunter can't help but take amusement at the uncomfortable lip bite it pries out of her.

"Oh, I wish," Simmons says wistfully, and sighs. "Just like strawberries…"

Skye's pulling herself off the floor in a hurry now. "Let me smell!"

"Mmm, no…" says Bobbi, but Skye's already there.

"Oh man, she's right!" Skye exclaims, incredibly happy at this revelation. "Can I kiss your lips?"

Hunter snorts. He can't help it. Honestly.

Bob's eyes are wide as saucers. "You know, I'd rather you didn't."

"At least you had permission asked of you," Hunter grumbles, and Bobbi gives him a disgruntled glare. And while her eyes are off to the side, Skye kisses her anyway.

The girl breaks off quickly, looking somewhat horrified as she slaps her hand to her lips. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. You said no, didn't you? That was wrong of me. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Skye," Bobbi assures, because the girl just looks so distraught. She might have laid a hand on her shoulder too, but decides it would be best not to provoke any sort of response.

Skye sighs in relief. "Oh good. I think I lost control for a second there," she says, and her sentence breaks off with her grinning in amusement. "Usually when I lose control lately I make things break and stuff. Nobody wants that, am I right?"

No. Oh god, no. Hunter does not want that.

The thought actually terrifies him because the girl in front of him is incredibly far from control, and she doesn't even realize it. And, like she said, loss of control for Skye equals bad.

Maybe catastrophe.

"Skye, are you three on drugs?" Bobbi asks, and the use of the word 'three' actually reminds Hunter that Fitz is even there. He's just sort of clinging to Simmons' shoulder, now.

"Psht, what? No, of course not," Skye says, waving her hand lazily at them. "I don't do drugs. Not anymore-"

"Drugs for recreational use?" asks Simmons, a wide, opened-mouthed grin on her face as Skye suddenly becomes very interested in Hunter. "How preposterous! I would never partake in-"

"Hunter… you smell so awesome. Like… bullets," Skye whispers to him.

"-such a matter of frivolous and irresponsible activity." Simmons gasps. "Skye!"

"Simmons!"

"Hunter smells like bullets!"

"Hey, that's what I said," Skye pouts.

"Oh, I know. It's just that I couldn't identify the metal until you said it and now that makes complete sense."

"Me smelling like a  _gun_  makes perfect sense?" Hunter asks, a little tired and disbelieving. He barely notices how Fitz crept up to the side of him.

He should really try to notice these things right now.

"Uh no, she… she actually said bullets," Fitz says quietly to him. "Those go inside the gun."

Hunter nods graciously for the information, moving away from the man before he could get any funny ideas again.

"It does kind of make sense," Bobbi muses.

"Oh does it? And what part of strawberries makes sense for you?"

She shrugs. "Because I smell good?"

"And what, I don't?" he asks, and just as he finishes his sentence, both of Skye's hands are cupping his single one.

"You do," she assures him, focusing onto his eyes. As though it's of the utmost importance he understands this. "Oh, you really do."

It's the first time he gets a good look at any of their eyes. They're either closed or the person is moving all about, but Skye is staring intently now.

They're almost entirely black.

"Something is really wrong with them," Hunter says.

"Gee, you think?" Bobbi sneers.

Hunter ignores her and gestures to Skye. "Look at her pupils."

Bobbi's eyes bulge for a moment. "Dark as night."

Skye looks confused, as though she doesn't know they're talking about her completely. And a little put out. She goes back towards Jemma and Fitz, who've started their…  _interests_  in one another, again.

"They're like monkeys," says Hunter. "Grooming each other or something."

"I don't think they're just grooming…" Bobbi mumbles. "And I think we should stop them before they go any farther."

"Yeah. I think you're right about that."

The two agents step forward, but are stopped when someone walks in their path. A new someone. A Director someone.

"Director Coulson," says Hunter.

"And what's going on up here?" He sounds casual, merely curious. "You're all in the garage and Mack's not even in today," he says this to the two of them. Only. His vantage doesn't give him a look at the view going on in the background.

And it's quite a view.

"Um, well, we don't know exactly what's going on… but you may want to look at that." Hunter points.

"Or don't," Bobbi says hurriedly, but Coulson's already turning around.

Now he has a perfect view of Simmons and Fitz making out.

Coulson turns back around so not to see it anymore, eyes wide with embarrassment. Until he looks at Bobbi and Hunter, and then he just looks angry. "Why are  _you_ all here if that's happening?" he asks incredulously.

"Well you may want to look again," says Hunter.

"Wait, wait!" Bobbi tries again. And again, too late.

It's more or less the same view, except Fitz has been replaced by Skye.

"Skye!" Coulson shouts, almost immediately. She breaks away just as fast. Kind of shocking, as the kids seem pretty out of it. Maybe it's because he clapped too.

"Yes sir?" she says, like she's trying to compose herself as she takes a step away from Simmons.

"What is this?" he demands.

"I'm sorry, Coulson… did you want a turn?"

"What?" He shakes his head, trying to clear it. "Skye, what are you doing?"

"Kissing Simmons, sir," she says plainly.

Coulson's eyes get impossibly wider as he shakes his head again. "Skye, you're not gay!"

"I'm not?" she says, eyes bulging with surprise at the news. She looks uncertainly at Jemma. "No I… I think I might be gay."

"You've specifically told me you aren't gay."

She blinks. "Maybe I meant, like, not a lesbian. That still leaves bi. Because honestly," and it's now her voice gets wistful, "all of you are so pretty and doable."

Coulson's cheeks redden like fire to a kettle, because Skye just said  _doable_ about people. Skye just said  _doable_  about people with the inclusion of himself. He turns around to Bobbi and Hunter.

"Explain," he says.

"Well… a picture's worth a thousand words, isn't it?" says Hunter, gesturing to the scene.

Bobbi's eyes roll. "He just means we really don't have any further information."

Hunter snaps his fingers. "Hey!"

"You have an idea?" asks Coulson, only too eager to get this situation under control. "I'll take one, even from you at this point."

"Alright, ignoring that… So we got that weird stuff from the creepy love potion lady right? What if what's happening is because of that?"

"I don't think anyone on the team would just drink an alien love potion, Hunter," says Coulson.

"Yeah, but this makes sense," muses Bobbi. "They've been obsessed with smelling." She shrugs. "Maybe all you have to do is smell it."

"And I think Simmons was working on it…" says Hunter. He turns to them. "Simmons! Hey,  _hey_!"

"Simmons!" shouts Coulson. She wasn't even in the act of kissing anyone, but she was still quite distracted.

"Oh sorry! Yes sir?" she says.

"You've been working on the aromatherapy alien juice, right love?" asks Hunter, and Simmons nods enthusiastically. "You two go down there while she was working on it at all?"

"Nope," says Skye as Fitz just shakes his head. Skye's actually somewhat busy meeting Simmons halfway, as the girl is obviously eager to get her hands on Skye's bare arms-

Holy crap when did her top come off? She has a undershirt on, but still. Shedding clothes layers cannot be good. And Fitz's jacket is gone…

"Um, should we do something about them?" Hunter asks, because now he's getting nervous.

Coulson looks around himself. "I think we just need to keep an eye on them."

Bob's pensive. "But if they weren't around the substance, what happened to the two of them?"

"I'm going to go with it passes through kissing," says Coulson. "Because I'm pretty sure they've been doing that."

Hunter and Bobbi share a reproachful stare. Guilty, too. And they shouldn't feel guilty. But they do.

Coulson sighs. "You kissed them too, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but to be fair, Fitz kissed me before Skye ever even got near them and I still don't feel anything… like that," says Hunter. His sentence got a little choppy when he saw- no no, he does not want to keep that mental image of Fitz pretty much  _licking_ Simmons. No.

Then Coulson looks amused. " _Fitz_  was the one who kissed you?"

"He's very touchy about the subject, you might not want to bring it up," Bobbi whispers cheekily.

"Well guess what?" Coulson says defensively. "I'm a little touchy on the entire subject!"

"Who's touchy?" says Skye, like she has super-powered selective hearing. "I want to touch!"

"Me too!" say the scientists together.

"No one is touching," says Coulson firmly, with authority resembling a father figure.

Ah. That's probably not the best analogy until current matters resolve. Just in case.

"So the question is, why aren't we being afflicted?" asks Bobbi. "Even if it isn't kissing we've been around them."

"Maybe it's through touch," says Coulson.

"I don't think so."

They turn to see the Cavalry has walked into the garage.

"May," acknowledges Coulson. "Can you shed some light on the happenings going on around here?"

She shrugs. "I just don't think it spreads through touching."

Then Melinda May puts her lips right on the director's.

Coulson looks so taken aback he doesn't even stop it. His hands move up, in a sort of stunted motion, as his eyes are wide circles, but he doesn't actually get anywhere near stopping the action before May breaks away.

She grins. "Because I hadn't touched anyone before that."

Then May giggles. Like a schoolgirl. May is giggling like a schoolgirl and it's actually a little bit scary to all three of the sober agents.

There's a very loud sound of deep inhales, and Hunter looks over from May to see the three amigos have come to inspect the new player as well.

"Oh, Melinda," says Fitz dreamily.

"She smells just as I imagined she did!" shouts Jemma.

"Just what I thought, too!" says Skye.

"Well, what do I smell like?" May asks, in a tone that is far too eager for anyone's adjusted-to-May's-voice ears. Notably, it's not  _as_ enthusiastic as the other three. Still.

"On three?" says Simmons. Skye nods. "One, two, three…"

"Incense!"

Dear god. Now they're speaking at the same time. Like pod people.

Or something.

May's mouth opens in an excited smile. "Oh, I love incense!" she exclaims. Simmons claps like an excited child and Fitz does a little dance.

The other three just look horrified.

Even more so when May is headed for Skye's mouth, but luckily Coulson ducks in front of the older agent to stop her by the shoulders. Hunter tries to help keep them from each other as well.

" _Hey!"_  says Skye. Oh. He grabbed her hair. Whoops.

"Sorry," says Hunter as he releases her. Jesus, she looks like she may cry.

"Hunter," Bobbi hisses with a nudge to his shoulder. "You can't hurt them, it's not their fault!"

"I obviously wasn't trying to hurt her, Bobbi!" Hunter scoffs. "You always assume the worst of me."

"I'm just saying you need to be careful. They're clearly really-"

"Don't say the 'T' word…" Hunter warns, and Bobbi quickly redirects from 'touchy'.

"- _sensitive,_  right now."

"Right yeah, sensitive. In more ways than one I'm guessing…"

"Hunter!" Bobbi scolds, and hits him, but she's amused. He knows it.

"Alright, Director, so what do we- oh,  _shite.._."

The cussing? Well, that's because Coulson is now sucking face with May again, - with three little cheerleaders on the side, which is just fantastic – and it is definitely not a one sided show anymore.

Bobbi pulls Coulson and Hunter grabs May. Even though they claw and fight for each other, the sober agents manage to rip the two apart.

"Guess training kind of goes kaput when you're under the influence," Bobbi says, her voice strained as she holds Coulson.

"Guess so," Hunter agrees, observing the way Melinda May is grabbing for Coulson like a blind cat, not using any of her expansive S.H.I.E.L.D. training to disarm him.

Coulson finally takes a break to turn around in Bobbi's arms, something like hurt in his eyes, when a light turns on behind the black globes. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was neglecting you. And you smell-" He inhales. "-like fruit!"

"Strawberries!" say the other three gleefully. Hunter's grabbed a particularly handsie Skye to stop her advances, tucking each one of the women beneath an arm, save for Simmons.

"Coulson," Bobbi says firmly, holding onto his shoulders at arm's length and staring into his eyes. "Snap  _out_  of it. You're under an influence."

Coulson smiles up at her, tucking a hand innocently under his chin in a fist. "You know, I think this does transfer a little through kissing. Because I'm pretty sure something's gotten into me."

Bobbi lets out a small laugh of disbelief. "You don't say?"

"Yeah. Never really been into blondes before." He goes for her lips.

"Oookay," she says, spinning the director around before he can reach his target. "Everyone's going to take a nice trip to their bunks, where  _we're_  going to lock you in for a little time out."

Fitz and Simmons smile brightly in utter excitement, sharing a look.

" _Separately_ ," stresses Hunter, "you drugged morons…"

"Except you, Simmons," Bobbi says.

"What?" says Hunter. "They're  _all_ messed up! Little scientist included."

"We need her to figure out what the hell's going on. More importantly, how to fix it," Bobbi says, and Hunter has to agree. "First priority is to get these guys to their bedrooms before they start heading up there willingly. And in couplets."

"Or groups," he mentions. Bobbi just shakes her head at that, as though trying to dispel the thought.

He can't say that he blames her.

* * *

"Simmons," Bobbi calls sweetly to the girl in the lab. "Simmons, you have to focus hun."

"But I don't want to!" she whines. Bobbi wonders if there are tears behind the goggles. "Why can't you come in here with me?"

"Because last time I did that you got too distracted." And by 'distracted' she means, well, Simmons pretty much got to second base.

Morse wonders if there will be a memory loss side effect once they find the cure. Because, she's not gonna lie, that would be really nice.

The whole base is on lockdown. Whatever the thing is in that lab, it's affected everyone save for Hunter and Bobbi. And Bobbi doesn't have a clue why.

Well, she has a theory... but it would be ridiculous.

"It's not fair!" Simmons whines. "This is going to take  _hours_ and I just want to be with everyone else! I can't smell anything but this in here… and to be honest the  _Cupidity_  does have a rather pleasant fragrance, but all you people have incredibly amazing aromas that smell so… so human!"

Bobbi could almost feel an aneurism forming in her head. It was like trying to convince a particularly difficult five year old to play pretend, but to do it with one hundred percent accuracy. Then spend hours on it.

"Hey Simmons," she coos. "Once you've found the cure, I  _promise_  I will make an awesome set up in a huge bedroom and you can invite any agents you want in there. It'll be like… a special prize."

Oh god.

Did she just promise Simmons an orgy as a prize? Did she just become an  _orgy organizer_?

Oh  _dear_  god.

Simmons sniffles. "Promise?"

"Of course!" Bobbi chirps. "But uh, you have to  _take_  the cure as well before you get the prize."

"Alright!" Simmons sings, uncaring of the conditions and only too chipper to get to work now. The girl doesn't even realize the yearning for her incentive will be gone if she ingests the cure.

Bobbi wonders if there's enough brain left in her to find a cure.

But if Morse has to guess, this thing is affecting the Id section in their minds. Everything else is still there… it's just that the logic is being pushed aside in preference of irrational thought because it will lead to pleasure.

And apparently childish mood swings come with that.

Bobbi is pleased to see Simmons happily working away. Now that she's got the Big Brain working on this, they'll be cured in no time!

Right?

_Boom! Crash! Bang!_

"Bobbi, what's happening!" shouts Simmons.

"I don't know," she says. But she does. Oh she knows; this is all too familiar an occurrence since San Juan.

"Is it Skye?" asks Simmons.

Aw. Plus one point, you little brainwashed druggie.

"Maybe," Bobbi says. "I'm going to go check on her."

"No!" Simmons rushes to the glass. "You can't leave me!"

"It's important you keep working," she says. "Do you want your prize?"

Simmons looks so torn she bites her lip. "Yes…"

"Good. Then just keep working on it. I'll figure this out."

* * *

"Hunter you asshole!" he hears as the door continues to be beaten. "Let me out!"

"Skye, you need to calm down."

"I'm calm!" she shouts, and her voice proves pretty much one thing: this girl is not calm.

"The entire base is shaking," he tells her. "That doesn't exactly scream feelings of serenity to me."

"I would be if you'd just let me see you! And touch you… maybe smell?"

"Not gonna happen sweetheart," he says lazily. But he's really not feeling too casual. He's actually rather terrified. "Hey, I have a thought. You've got super powers right? Let's think of a codename for you, that could be fun."

"I don't want a damn codename, Hunter!"

"C'mon, just try it. What about Tremblor?"

"How about, 'I'll kick your ass if you don't let me out'!"

"Ok, so not Tremblor… Aftershock?" Skye says nothing, but the shaking increases. "No? How about a theme song then? You know that one Taylor Swift song really matches your particular gift…"

"Hunter!"

He turns around, because as much as the shouted name came from the girl in the room, it came from the blonde running up to him.

"Bobbi!" he exclaims as she approaches him. "Please tell me you've got an antidote?"

She shakes her head ruefully, but soon everything's shaking, as there's another big tremor.

"The base is  _underground,"_ stresses Bob _._  "We're going to be buried if she doesn't stop!"

"Yeah thanks, definitely didn't notice  _that_."

Bobbi can't help but roll her eyes. "Are you having a tone? Seriously? Right now?"

"Are you picking a fight right now?" he bites back.

"Are you two going to have angry sex right now?" asks Skye through the door. The rumbling stops, and there's a small pause before she quietly asks, "Can I watch?"

"No!" they shout together. There's an extremely frustrated growl heard through the door, and the shaking starts again.

"She brings up a good point," says Hunter.

"Hunter, we are not having sex right now!"

"Not that!" he protests, and there may have been a muffled "please?" by Skye, but he decides he doesn't hear it. "But em, aren't you curious as to why we're the only two not affected? I mean, not only did every single person start freaking out, but we were  _kissed_  by them too. Direct contact."

"I know. And I have a thought, but…"

"That it's because we've been having sex on a regular basis?" he quietly finishes her mind's sentence, and she nods.

"But see, that makes no sense," she says. "That would mean every single other person working here is celibate, at least for the time being."

"It's not that crazy to think no one else is getting any. This organization runs a very tight schedule, with little time for personal lives. Only way to do it is to have an in-house relationship. Poor saps…"

As much as she doesn't want to reward him for thinking he's cute and clever, she has to admit, he's got a point.

"So I guess we have to let them do it," Hunter says.

"What!"

"Well if sex has made us immune… maybe it's the cure."

Bobbi just stares, because that is a horribly uncomfortable thought. Maybe, if it's for their own good… but it would be completely violating, and, not to mention, they'd have a horrible workspace to come back to in the morning.

"No, we have to think of something else. We'll just knock Skye out with an ICER until we do."

He raises a finger. "Problem there. So, while I was trying to get Coulson to his office he got a bit overly touchy, particularly in the bum area, and I tried to ice him just for the principle of the matter… had no such luck."

"It didn't work?"

"Not a lick. They must be working on major overdrive to power through that."

"Great," she deadpans.

"So… are we gonna stick someone in there with her so they can…?"

"Lance!"

"Look, I'm not letting everyone in this base  _die_ because Skye has an itch she can't scratch. Plus, there are obviously plenty of willing participants!"

"They're not  _willing_  Hunter; they're drugged!"

"Well in case you haven't noticed, we don't really have much time!" He gestures around himself; at everything getting knocked off the walls and the items breaking from her vibrations. Some of the lights have even shorted out.

Bobbi exhales, and goes to knock on Skye's door. "Skye?"

"Bobbi?" the girl asks desperately. "Please let me out!"

"I can't do that Skye, but you need to stop."

"No," she says petulantly. "You'll let me out if I don't stop."

"Actually I won't let you out  _unless_  you stop."

"You're lying! You'll leave me in here."

Bobbi gets a frustrated look on her face but hides it quickly. It's a gesture Hunter thought she had specially saved for their arguments, when she'd realize she needed to maintain her high horse.

"I know you don't feel well," Bobbi says carefully. "Have you tried… have you tried fixing it yourself?"

Skye's tremors quiet slightly, as though she's interested in what the girl's saying. Maybe trying to hear her right. "I don't understand. I have no one to do anything with to fix it!"

"I know. I'm saying maybe you can feel better all by  _yourself_. With your hands, or maybe a… a toy?"

Hunter actually feels his cheeks heat up. "Oh bloody hell…"

"Bobbi I get what you're saying, I'm not an idiot," she says, and for the first time she actually sounds like the real Skye and not some mopey, lusting, high teenager version. "But I do not want to do it myself, that's not what I  _want_!" she insists, and Hunter feels his legs wobble from the quakes. Well, moody teenager is back. "I want to touch and I want to smell people! I can't smell the strawberries from here!"

Hunter rolls his eyes. "We're on the scratch and sniff again, I see." Bobbi's looking pensive. "Bob? What's on your mind?"

"I've got an idea. We need to get to the kitchen, fast."

* * *

Skye's shaking.

_You're shaking too much._

_No, it's not enough!_

_You're trembling._

_Are we talking about the quakes or how much I'm actually shaking my body?_

_Uh… both!_

Maybe she's going insane.

She sure feels like it. Her hands are curled around her knees, and she really is rocking back and forth, shaking with want, need… desire. At the same time, she knows the earthquakes are going on rapidly around her. She started them to get attention. And maybe she can stop them, she really doesn't know. But she damn well isn't going to try until they let her out of her own freaking-

The door unlocks. She heard it. She heard that right?

God she hopes it's Cars.

Or Incense. Or Strawberries. Bullets, Old Book or even Jemma's scent of strangely enticing chemicals.

The door opens.

Bullets and Strawberries are standing there. She should have known.

"Thank you," she sighs in relief and feels a smile creep up her face. It's big, because she's so, so happy to be out of that room that smelled like nothing but… staleness.

"Our pleasure Skye," Bobbi says.

"Sorry we got you so worked up."

She's still worked up. Still shaking things. She's not satisfied, she's pacified.

Wait.

Did Hunter apologize? Was it wholeheartedly or did he not really mean it. And they were standing kind of… strangely. Maybe they were hiding something? Oh who cares. He's standing there with incredibly endearing looking scruff and she's got such pretty blond hair.

Skye's gotta feel that stuff.

But she doesn't, because the next thing she feels is the cold bite of liquid spreading all over her body as it's dumped onto her, and she stares up at the pair disbelieving, looking like a drowned rat, she's sure.

They're both grinning strained smiles, somewhat sympathetically, and Hunter is holding a now empty bucket.

Skye feels grimy and icky and just  _sopping_ , but the worst part is that it smells. Bad. It doesn't smell like a person, or the nice things that go with them. It smells like… pickles? Rotten eggs! Cinnamon would perhaps be a nice scent, but mixed in with those items and what seems to be expired dairy products – also an onion, there's definitely onion in there-, it really isn't working for her.

Hunter and Bobbi are both watching the girl in front of them, waiting with the utmost amount of suspense at what she's going to do. She's just standing there, looking around herself warily, as though something's going to pop out and attack her. As though she's trying to comprehend what's happening.

She flicks her hands free of some of the liquid.

"What… the hell," she states more than asks. "What am I covered in?"

"Honestly?" says Bobbi. "Anything we could find that smelled disgusting."

"We kind of have a lot of expired food in the fridge," says Hunter. "Dunno why that is really…"

They think Skye's somewhat lucid then, because she seems aware that it is disgusting. She's stopped in her tracks and the quaking's stopped too and she's just staring.

But then her lip quivers, she starts to pout and appears outright distraught. Like a wave of grief has hit her hard, as her mouth drops open and her eyes tear up.

"Why would you do that?" she wails, and- oh, great. The walls are shaking again. "Why would you do  _that?"_

"We thought it might help you," offers Bobbi, as her mind races with thoughts of how wrong she was.

"Oh god, she's going to cry again…" says Hunter.

"She's already crying. And that's not really the problem!"

"I know, but I feel bad!"

"Oh,  _now_  you gain a conscious about this-"

_Splash!_

Well. That was unexpected.

Hunter looks at Bobbi and Bobbi looks back to Hunter only to see that they have both been drenched in what Skye has already been sobbing about.

Luckily, Skye finds it funny.

Also luckily, when Skye laughs, her shaking seems to stop.

Hunter can't help but gag because, oh god, it really does smell bad. But seeing Bob covered in rather greenish-yellow looking goo? Sort of priceless.

When they turn about to see the person behind the sudden assault of the smelly green gunk, Simmons is standing there with a bucket on the floor and one in her hands.

Which she promptly pours over herself.

And giggles.

They stare in disbelief. Then she giggles again. Hunter could swear he's never seen so many smiles happening in this base at one time. Usually gloom and doom around here.

"You two had the right of it, you know," explains Simmons happily. "But you had to get rid of your own pheromones' aroma too! All of us really."

Now Skye's holding her head, wincing a bit, but when she opens her eyes Hunter can see the pupils are already starting to get smaller. "I don't…" She looks around helplessly. "What's going on?"

"You know," says Simmons thoughtfully, as if an idea is going through her head for the first time, "I think we may have been inflicted by the perfume that you lot picked up on the mission. Perhaps even to a point that it made us all feel incredibly concupiscent."

"Well, isn't that just the news of the day…" says Bobbi with a sigh. An epitome of amusement, right there folks.

"Concu-what now?" snaps Skye.

"Horny!" exclaims Simmons cheerfully. Skye's eyebrows bolt up, and after a few moments Simmons starts to look kind of horrified. Probably coming down from her accidental high. "Oh, lord…"

They both look mortified. And miserable.

"Don't fret, ladies," assures Hunter quickly. "It was only a drug, and we all know no one would have really done any of that."

They don't seem incredibly comforted by his words. Simmons is holding her fingers woven behind her back like a guilty child. Skye has her hand pressed up to her mouth, as though preparing to be sick any moment.

Still, he continues his attempt to make them feel better.

"We're all grown ups here, right? And Skye, even if you were gay, I don't think Coulson would care as much he made it seem when he saw you two kissing. He's probably up with the times and such."

Skye becomes beet red then, so of course Bobbi hits Hunter again. Jesus, how many times is that today?

"Hey, I'm not gay either!" protests Simmons.

"I kissed Simmons?" Skye asks. She moves her lips a bit, as though trying to find remnants of the action.

"No! No not at all," Hunter lies and backpedals. Skye isn't buying it. "Ok maybe a little, but not super in depthly. Alright, there might have been some tongue." He pauses. "Not that I was looking that close!-"

" _So."_  Bobbi steps up. "You guys don't remember anything?"

The goo-soaked girls exchange a glance. "Bits and pieces really," says Simmons.

"Did, uh," Skye starts. "Did May kiss Coulson?"

"Yeah. That was a bit disturbing," mutters Hunter.

"Actually, I totally ship them, so that's kinda cool." She gets three blank stares. "What? I can ship my bosses. In my mind." Skye huffs a bit. "Don't judge me."

They all raise their hands defensively and mumble things along the lines of "no judging" and such. Hunter may have felt some trembles start when Skye got heated, and pacifying that girl in particular is definitely a top priority.

"What now?" asks Simmons.

"I wouldn't mind a shower," says Hunter, but Bobbi shakes her head.

"No way. We are staying covered in this crap until everyone is covered in it, and Simmons has that perfume locked away in a seamless chamber or something."

"Right," says Hunter. "Skye and I will go track down more of… whatever the hell we just made, and you two find a way to contain the stuff."

They all nod in agreement. Skye raises her hand to a cheering fist, albeit half-heartedly. "Go team," she mumbles, embarrassment still weighing on her.

They begin walking off in their set directions when Bobbi grabs his shoulder.

"Don't die out there," she comments wryly.

He smirks.

* * *

"Well  _that_ was an adventure."

Hunter turns to see Bobbi, wringing out her hair as she emerges from the bathroom. Specifically from a shower.

He scoffs. "Yeah, well I'd rather not have to have a repeat of that particular  _adventure_ , as you call it."

"You've got to admit though, it was an experience like no other."

"Adventure, experience… call it what you like, love," he says. "I'm going to stick with  _bonkers_."

"The smelling did throw me." She laughs to herself. "Strawberries…"

"At least it's not bullets."

"No, it's just that strawberries are my  _favorite_  food. And they picked up on that."

"Well they were juiced. Obviously their senses were- hang on, strawberries are your favorite food?" he asks, and she nods. "How did I not know that?"

She shrugs. "Just not as observant as me, I guess."

"Oh, and you know my favorite food?"

"Steak. Medium-well. Preferably with Rufus Teague sauce."

"Ah. Ok, yeah. Point there." There's a small, slightly awkward pause before he speaks up again. "I can't believe I didn't know your favorite food. I must have been a crappy husband…"

"Little bit," she teases.

"Hey!"

"Hunter… we're divorced. Obviously something didn't work out," she says, staring at him with those big blue eyes for a few long seconds.

Alright, now the pauses are definitely getting awkward.

"I think…" she starts. "Maybe we focused on the physical parts of our relationship too much. I mean, we weren't exactly big on the talking."

"And when we did-"

"You'd always think I was lying?"

"I wasn't going to say that!"

"But it's what you think." She smiles. It is kind of true, he thinks. Maybe.

"Yeah…" he mumbles. "Well maybe if we try talking again… I could try to not always look for angles all the time."

Her brows shoot up. "Oh  _wow_ , that sounds  _great._ "

"I mean it Bob," he says. And he doesn't really try to, but he does, because he wants to assure her. So he starts to rub her shoulder. Friendly-like.

The shield she's put up disappears, and he watches as her face softens.

"Ok," she agrees, "sounds like a plan."

She flashes him a smile.

He smiles back. Because maybe, just maybe, he can make this work with her. And that's what he really wants, he realizes. To be back with Bobbi. And make a relationship built on something more solid.

She bats large eyelashes.

"Want to have sex?"

He sighs. "Thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Skye's walking through the cargo bay of the BUS, a sulk to her step. Of course the sulk is normally there, or at least often, but it's a bit more prominent now that she's realized that there's more to add to her daily list of grievances. Even if she can't remember everything that happened.

That just kind of makes it worse.

Sighing, she's about to step up the stairs when she hears something shake.

Oh no, was that her powers?

She decides to investigate the SUV where she thinks the rumble came from.

Her eyes bulge at the sight of what actually caused it, and she walks away as quickly as she possibly-

"Something wrong, Skye?" asks Coulson, stepping into the bay. It's been hours, and everyone's showered and no longer smell like the horrific mix of stenches they'd put together – or like awesome aromas that made her want to jump their bones - but she still feels a little coy around him.

"Oh um…" She gestures to the van. "There are people... doing stuff, in there."

Great, Skye. Way to make it super awkward.

"Oh," is Coulson's comment.

"Should we… stop them?" asks Skye. "What if the  _Cupidity_ didn't wear off?"

"Do you know who it is?"

"Didn't really try to get that great of a visual but… I think it's Hunter and Morse."

"Really?" Now he sounds interested. "I thought they weren't afflicted?"

"We still don't know why they're the only ones it didn't affect. Maybe they had a delayed reaction?" guesses Skye.

"Oh."

There he goes again.

"So…?" prompts Skye.

Coulson clears his throat. "They were married. So it's nothing new. Maybe we should just…"

"Pretend we never saw anything?"

"Yeah pretty much."

"Roger that, sir," Skye says hurriedly, then hurriedly hurries away.

So while Coulson leaves the way he came in just a moment ago, Skye's all too happy to scurry up the stairs, trying to erase her mental image of Hunter feeding Bobbi chocolate covered strawberries. Because honestly, that seems just a little too planned for people under the influence of love drugs.

More like they're just celebrating Valentine's Day.

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm semi-new to archive and am working on bringing my stuff over from fanfiction.net, where I did post this last week. I'm not entirely sure if I tagged this correctly. Like if the Bobbi/Hunter relationship tag should be there cause they're not actually dating, and the relationships put multi just cause... it's not exactly normal. So sorry if that's wrong and if I should probably change it let me know!


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